Mom spends $7,000 of 17-year-old daughter's college fund on prom night, teen's aunt cuts access to the money to avoid further mishandling despite family's protest: "I don't trust my sister with money anymore"

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    AITA for refusing to loan money to my sister for my niece's college fund after she spent most of it on prom?

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    So I (37f) have a sister (40f) who's a single mom to my niece (17f). She's done most of it on her own since her daughter was born, and while we've had ups and downs, I've always tried to be supportive.
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    My husband and I have a 14-year-old daughter ourselves, and we're not exactly rolling in it either, but we've been careful, planned ahead, and have tried to keep things stable.
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    About five years ago, I started contributing money toward a college fund for my niece. Nothing huge, just here and there. Birthdays, tax return leftovers, a couple hundred from my bonus, that kind of thing.
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    My sister said she was adding some too, and over time it grew to just over $11k. The entire idea, which we both agreed on, was that it was for college only. Not rent, not clothes, not bills and definitely not prom.
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    Well, Prom was in late April. My niece looked absolutely beautiful. She had this pale blue fitted dress, her hair was done in this really pretty updo,
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    makeup was on point, nails, shoes, they all looked great. She and her friends got a limo, went to a some Italian restaurant before the dance, and did a little photo shoot thing. It wasn't celebrity-level
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    extravagant, but it was definitely expensive. I remember seeing the photos and thinking, "wow, they all look amazing," followed immediately by, "how exactly did they pay for this?"
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    So earlier this week I was going over some financial stuff (I've been managing the account the college fund is in since it's technically in my name too), and
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    I see that about $7,000 is gone with no explanation. It wasn't hacked or anything, it was my sister. She used it to cover prom expenses and didn't even mention it to me.
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    When I called her, she didn't even seem that surprised to hear from me. She was kind of cagey at first, then got defensive and said she only used
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    some of the fund and that there's still enough for a couple semesters at community college if niece doesn't get a scholarship somewhere else. Like that makes it okay.
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    I told her I was shocked she didn't ask me and she just went off about how it was her daughter's only prom, that she deserved something special, and how she's been through so much lately and she just
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    wanted her to feel like she belonged. I get that things have been rough for them. But I still couldn't believe she just dipped into that money like it was hers.
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    Then she hits me with: "I was gonna rebuild the fund over the summer anyway, but I'm short now, can you spot me like $2k just for now?"
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    I told her no. I didn't yell or anything, just a clear no. And now it's a full-on meltdown. She said I'm holding money over her head, that I'm showing my true colors, that I don't really care about her or my
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    niece, and now she's dragged our mom and other relatives into it. My mom texted me this whole long thing about family sticking together and how prom only happens once.
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    And the worst part? My niece texted me too. She said she didn't know the money came from her college fund and she's sorry, and that she doesn't want me and her mom to fight. And now I feel like absolute garbage.
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    But like what was I supposed to do? I've got my own daughter, and we've been saving bit by bit for her too. I can't just casually drop thousands of dollars to refill a fund someone else emptied without even
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    telling me. My husband agrees with me and said if we want to help my niece with college in the future, we can, but not directly through my sister.
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    I love my niece and I want her to succeed. But I don't trust my sister with money anymore. And I'm sick of being made out to be some villain for having boundaries.
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    6282 College (( )
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    ritan7471 7k for PROM? Why do I believe that she took some and put it in her own pocket? Was her dress couture? Custom made with actual diamonds? Your sister has definitely been pilfering.
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    Amazing-Wave4704 YEP. thanks for pointing this out. It was more than prom.
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    Princess-Eilonwy Exactly this! Even with an expensive dress and getting her nails, hair, and makeup done 7k seems. way over the top. If the limo and photographer were split between niece and her friends then where did the rest of the money go???
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    OP you need to ask for receipts and NTA I wouldn't contribute anymore money to that account your sister has access to. If you decide you want to help your niece in the future then you can pay it directly to the college she chooses.
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    Edit to add: I had my hair, makeup, and nails done, a decently expensive dress, and my friends all split a limo and photographer.. there's still no way I spent over $1,500.
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    R
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    WheatenBuckle Unless she paid for all of her friends too. That was my thought. Show off with money to "fit in". But I totally agree mom might be stealing too. Husband is right about leaving her out of future financial assistance.
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    Mrs Jones_85 Yeah, I "went all out" for my daughter's prom last year and only spent about $1,000. I could throw a decent wedding for less than $7,000.
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    4mystuff Don't underestimate people's ability to spend money in really stupid ways. I'm more surprised that they think $4,000 will pay for a couple of semesters of college.
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    Ok_Top_7535 Save your money for your daughter.
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    tisthedamnseason1 I have never understood the trend of absolutely decimating your kid's college fund just for prom, ΝΤΑ
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    molly_menace Your sister stole from your niece. Ask for an itemised list of everything that money was spent on. You can look up prices yourself. She only spent a portion on prom. The rest she stole.

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